Number 3

I wish this post was about what the title could lead you to believe (announcing baby #3) but unfortunately this post is about miscarriage #3. We found out we were pregnant at the beginning of January and were so excited that this time around it was easy to get pregnant and we didn't have to go through months and months of trying like last time. I was 8 weeks along and Ellie and this baby would have been 18 months apart. I was elated that we were going to have them close in age. This morning I woke up with serious cramps and knew what was coming since I've been through it before. This afternoon I went to my doctor to have an ultrasound done and luckily everything came out clean and I didn't have to have a D&C. The whole process was quick and I physically feel fine as of now. At least everything has turned out good in a bad situation. We are just lucky that this happened today and not 2 days ago while we were in Peru.

So how am I doing?? Honestly, my heart is just breaking but I'm doing ok. I think I'm a pretty strong person and I know that we can definitely get through this but it really just breaks my heart when I think that my dreams of having a big family with lots of little kids running around, all close in age and creating chaos in the house, might not ever happen. I look at those young families with 5 or 6 little kids running all about and the mom pulling out her hair in frustration and I always just smile and think to myself just how lucky those parents are to have so many healthy children to chase around and I desire that more than anything.

One thing about miscarriages though is I am always reminded every time just how blessed I am to have Ethan and Ellie. They are two beautiful children who have brought unspeakable joy to our home and I am so incredibly grateful for them. I thank Heavenly Father everyday for them. They are our most treasured gifts. I am also always reminded when things like this happen that our Savior has felt any and all pain that we go through and completely understands our trials. He has been there. He knows. He is my comfort and I know that I can always find peace with His help.

Having these miscarriages does not make me feel scared to get pregnant again. Any and all miscarriages that I have had or will have in the future are completely worth the one sweet little baby that we get to bring into this world. I am grateful to already be a mother and just hope and pray that we can bring more sweet children into our home someday.

And now tonight, I will follow my post- miscarriage tradition of eating at least a quart of ice cream and watch a movie. I think I deserve it :)