So Handsome...

So is this not one of the most handsome little boys you have ever seen? Justin tells me I should probably start letting other people tell me how handsome he is instead of me informing them of it. He is probably right, but I can't help it. I think he is pretty darn cute. It's ok to be a proud mama right?!

I found this picture of Ethan on my mother in laws computer from when we went to the water park about a month ago. I think it is beautiful.....

Here are some other fun pictures from that day at the park..

Ethan was scared of that huge bucket pictured below. It would fill up and then dump water everywhere and he couldn't keep his eyes off of it the whole time we were there....

But we finally got him to look at the camera...

All wrapped up and ready to go home...

This is such a cool water park and it is SUPER cheap as well! I must remember this spot for next summer!

Ode to First Trimester

Dear First Trimester,

I will not miss you. I will not miss the nausea and tiredness that you bring. I will not miss feeling like a lazy mom because I have no energy to play with my child or even bring him outside of our house. I will not miss not being able to eat anything but dry toast. I will not miss how many movies my child has watched because of you. I will not miss thinking everyday of whether I will miscarry or not either. In later trimesters however, I will probably think longingly of how I could still wear my pre-pregnancy clothes during this time. But thank you for keeping this baby alive and thank you for giving me at least a little bit of strength to make it through some of the harder days. Now that I am feeling so much better, I will not miss you but I'm so grateful that I got to experience you the whole way through this time! I would have liked to think of a more articulate way of saying good-bye to you but for now all I can think of saying is, "Peace Out 1st trimester!" and "Bring It On to the 2nd! I'm ready for you!"

Love,
Ash

Ultrasound

Today I had another ultrasound to what that sac of blood behind my placenta is up to and I didn't really get much news. I was hoping to go in and have them say, "Oh wow! The blood has completely dissolved into the placenta so you are now off pelvic rest! You can now go to the gym, go shopping, be a fun and playful mother again, and you will never have to lay down on the couch again!" Unfortunately none of this was said. The lady did the ultrasound and after she was done she said "Ok, well just continue to take it easy..." I was like... Umm... so, what about the blood sac?" She basically said that the sac is still there but she doesn't know if it's gotten bigger or smaller and that the doctor will have to take a look at it. She said that I should continue pelvic rest until the doctor tells me otherwise. Yuck! So, thus continues my laziness of not being able to do much for at least another 2 weeks until my next doctors appt. Oh well!

On a positive note, the baby still has a strong heart beat and is growing just fine! I was really relieved! He/she is now looking less like an alien and more like a baby with litle arms and feet moving around everywhere! With every ultrasound I have had, it has put me as being due March 12th or 13th, so that's when we should be able to meet this little miracle! That would put me at about 11 weeks along with only one week to go until Im out of this danger zone! I am so thrilled!

Im feeling great, except for the horrible nausea, that I have all the time, but it loves to hit me like a semi at about 9:00pm everynight and doesnt relent until the next morning which equals not much sleep but it's ok... for a healthy baby, I would go through just about anything!

Ethan is doing great considering he is stuck in the house most of the day. He is such a good boy and cracks me up everyday. Yesterday we were outside talking and Ethan came running outside like this...


He found Grandma's page markers and had a blast putting them all over his body! He kept pointing at them saying "Owie. Mommy owie!" This kid seriously can always bring a smile to your face and melt your heart!

I Can't Think of a Good Title For This Post...

Sorry for my lack of creativity with the post title but I wanted to do an update on a little bit of everything!

First things first. So far I'm feeling great on pelvic rest, which I'm probably not doing enough of but it's hard with a little 2 year old! I have been able to get some good reading time in though and also I am becoming educated in the wonderful world of old romance movies such as: North & South, Pride & Prejudice, the old 6 hr. one (which I have never seen. Sinful I know), and hopefully my sister-in-law will bring more for us to watch when she comes down from Utah tomorrow! I haven't hardly any of the cramping and I have stopped spotting as well! Im still pretty nauseated but it let up a little today and I could actually eat something besides toast! Hooray! I'm hoping that those continue to be good signs that everything is going well with the baby. I will go back in for another ultrasound in a week and we are praying everything will look good. I'll let you guys know how it goes!

I wanted to document just a few things with some pictures as my last two posts look pretty boring with no pictures.

A few weeks ago, we had a ward camp out up in the beautiful pines of AZ- unfortunately they dont look so pretty in the pictures due to a nasty forest fire a few years back- but it was so nice to escape the heat of the valley for a day or so. As we were leaving the camp out, Justin took us to Black Canyon lake to play in the water and him and Ethan had a blast throwing rocks in the water....

Isnt that sky beautiful?!

It was a short trip, but it was so nice to get Justin away from laptops, email, blackberry's etc (aka work/school) for a day or so!

This next picture was also taken a few weeks ago when I could semi stomach the smell of wheat bread....

I was so proud of these beauties. You would have been proud of me too if you would have seen/tasted the last batch I baked. I felt oh so domestic :)

Well, that's all for now. I haven't taken very many pictures lately probably because we haven't done all that much. I have this huge list of "things to do when Im done being sick" and I plan on taking Ethan out on some fun excursions!I also just wanted to thank you guys for all of your sweet and uplifting comments on my blog. I love getting comments and I appreciate the prayers on our behalf. I know everything will work out just fine. Thanks for being such wonderful, caring friends.

Dr's Appointment

Well, I figured I should follow up on the doctors appointment that I had yesterday which brought both good and bad news. Let me start off by mentioning that earlier this week, I was having horrible, very severe cramping for about 2 days and I thought for sure I was miscarrying. Luckily I didnt but the cramping was seriously so bad that I was just doubled over in pain. I told my doctor about my consistent spotting that I've been having since I became pregnant and also about the cramping and he was a little concerned since that is not the norm in pregnancy. He examined me and said that the cervix is closed (which is good and is a sign of no miscarriage for now)and everything seemed fine but he set me up for an ultrasound that day. In the ultrasound I was able to see our little miracle and even got to see and hear the heartbeat! It was so cool to see his little heart fluttering and I cannot even describe the relief I felt that this little baby is alive! After the lady was done with the ultrasound she said that she would be right back and that she needed to talk with the doctor real fast. I didn't think anything was wrong so I was surprised when she came back in to inform me that there is a big sac of blood behind the placenta that is considered a threat to miscarriage. My heart dropped and I almost broke down in tears. Luckily I held my composure and was more shocked than anything. She told me that I have to be put on pelvic rest for two weeks, which is basically like bed rest but I can walk around every 30 min or so for a short amount of time, until I come back in for an ultrasound to see if the blood sac has gotton bigger or recessed into the placenta. She didnt really give me a percentage of how many recess or bust but told me if I start heavily bleeding to rush to the ER and informed me of other signs of miscarriage. I wanted to just stop her right there and let her know I knew perfectly well what the signs of miscarriage were and didnt need to hear them again, but instead I thanked her for her help and she sweetly put her hand on my leg and said "I hope to have better news for you in two weeks. Good luck hun."

I got in the car and called Justin, who is my little marathon traveler and is traveling the world this whole month for business, to tell him what was going on. I couldnt get a hold of him and just went back to my in-laws to pick up Ethan. I wasn't very emotional telling them the news and tried to remain positive but last night when I got home and put Ethan to bed, I just finally broke down and cried. I wanted Justin to just be there with me and be my shoulder to cry on but had to use the pillow instead. Bless his heart, I know he wishes he was with me just as much as I do. I guess I have tried to be strong through these miscarriages and months of dissapointment and it all caught up with me last night. I was so excited to see that little heart beating and was so devastated to learn that it might not be beating for too much longer if that blood sac bursts. I had a nice long talk with Heavenly Father last night and felt comforted and I know that whatever happens is in His hands and I am willing to follow His plan for me. I just sure hope that His plan involves the blood sac dissolving into the placenta and that we can have this little miracle baby.

So for the next few weeks I will be staying at my in laws home so I can have help with Ethan and be surrounded by lots of people to talk to :) Im so grateful that we are living close to family who are more than willing to help us out. We are praying that everything will work out fine and that that little heart just keeps beating. I'll be sure to keep everyone updated on here as well. Thank you for your support and prayers. In those quiet moments, I can really feel the power of others prayers for us- I cant thank you enough.

Hopefully in March 2010...

Hopefully in March 2010, baby #2 will make his/her debut! That's right there is a bun in this oven and we couldn't be more thrilled! After over a year of trying and 2 miscarriages, we are really hoping that I will be able to carry this sweet little baby full term. I debated with myself whether I really wanted to make the announcement on my blog without being out of the "safe" zone and only 8 weeks along, but I really feel as if it is important that I document in some way my feelings, thoughts, excitement, the whole works since this is basically my journal. And plus, if I end up having another miscarriage, I will most likely write about it on here anyways.

I really feel as if this next baby has a certain time that it is to come join our little family and hopefully this one is it. We are really hoping and praying that this pregnancy works out but if not, I have complete faith in the Lord's plan for us and I know that everything will work out how it is suppose to and for what is best for us. This is something I have learned a lot about this past year and I am so grateful for the opportunity that Heavenly Father has given me to learn about faith and how to have faith in Him and his plan, even if it meant having a few miscarriages. I have gone through life pretty challenge free and would consider this to be my greatest challenge I've ever had. But after meeting many people who cant have children, I have realized just how blessed I am to have a beautiful little boy and how small and minor my challenges with this have been. Thank you to those people who have inspired me with their unwavering faith.

This pregnancy has been way different than the last two pregnancies I have had. I never felt the nausea, tiredness, heightened sense of smell and the body changes that I have felt with this one. Even when I was pregnant with Ethan I didnt really get sick and was pretty energized my first trimester. With this one, I knew I was pregnant before I even missed my period because the nausea hit when I was only 3 weeks prego. I have been consistently nauseated ever since and it has only become worse since I hit week 6. Although I haven't thrown up, sometimes I wish I could to just relieve myself from the nausea for at least 10 min! I've lost just a few pounds from not being able to eat a whole lot and I stick to eating tortillas, bread and dry pasta. It's the only thing my stomach thinks sounds good. I'm pretty sure I can smell a rotten smell from up to at least a mile away as well. I cant stand the smell of our water, my body wash, Justin's soap, our dishwasher, Ethan's diapers (I've dry heaved several times changing him), the smell of our house (its the new house smell- yuck!), nor various other things that blow my way! I've also been super tired and could probably sleep 12 hours at night and then take a 2 hour nap everyday! Dont newborns sleep that much!? Now please do not think that I am complaining... I would gladly be a toilet hugging, bed-ridden, sick the whole 9 months pregnant lady if that meant that I could have a healthy baby. It would be worth every single moment to have a precious little miracle in my arms to hold and care for. So please dont think that Im not so grateful to be constantly nausiated, able to smell everything good or bad, or can sleep for 14 hours a day, becuase I know all of that is a good sign and Im so grateful and happy for it!!!

My first doctors appointment is the Thurs and hopefully I can convince him to give me an ultrasound so we can see a little heartbeat. I just have to know if there is one. When I was about 5 weeks along we had a little scare. I was spotting pretty badly and sometimes with red so we went to the doctor (we were in Minnesota at the time) and everything checked out so far so good. My blood levels and hormones were good and the ultrasound turned out good as well. I am hoping for the same this time around. The spotting has never stopped but they say that the progesterone can cause some spotting sometimes. I'll let you guys know on Thursday if everything's ok and we will just hope and pray for the best! Whatever happens though, I know we can make it through anything with the Lord's help.

We are so excited and hope that this March we will have a beautiful new baby to love and care for! Wish us luck!

Ethan's 2nd Birthday

I seriously can not believe that our little boy is already 2 years old! Where has the time gone?! The other night I was lying in bed thinking about Ethan and how before he was born, I could have never imagined the love I would have for that little baby growing inside of me at that time. I seriously dont remember what life was like before we had him but it must have been boring and dull compared to how our lives are now with Ethan in our lives! He is so much fun and really is a good boy. Before I had Ethan, I was excited to be having a baby but really had no idea how much fun and how rewarding having a child is! I have loved seeing him grow up and all the developmental milestones that have come with it. I really did not understand how much love I could have for one tiny little person either and then how much that love grows as time goes on. I love being a mother! It's the best job there is!

Ok so before I start to cry, here is what we did to celebrate Ethan's 2nd birthday...

Because we were going to be in Minnesota for Ethan's real birthday, we invited all the Smith's out for swimming, cake and ice cream. Unfortunately I dont have any pictures to document going swimming but we did and we had a blast doing it! After, we came back in for some Mario Kart racing which Ethan had to be a part of..


He loves to sit in his "Cars" chair that the Smiths gave him! It's just his size!

After a few rounds of Mario Kart, we decided to have some cake and ice cream! Here is Chalene and than showing off his Wall-e cake. Now before you judge me and my creativity skills I will have to say that this is my first cake to decorate, ever, and I actually think it didnt turn out half bad. Yes, I know some of you have made amazing castle, cars, etc. cakes that blow mine out of the water, but I like my homely little Wall-e cake :) The most important thing though was that it tasted WAY better than it looked!


After that, Ethan opened up his presents. He opened up another present from the Smiths which was a Little Einstein rocket ship with the character Leo included. It's actually the rocket ship turned into a submarine, made for bathtime,but Ethan cant tell the difference. He LOVES Little Einsteins and was SO excited to see this! Infact, we tried to get him to open up a few more gifts from us but nothing was as important as his "Einstein." He would open up our gift, look at it, push it off to the side and say "Einstein, Einstein!" reaching for his Einstein toy :)

Ethan loved the cake! Sometimes it makes me sick to my stomach at how much food this kid can fit in his mouth. He will have no competition in elementry school with the game chubby bunny. He'll beat em' everytime!

We also bought him a Toy Story backpack that rolls on wheels...it's great for traveling!


After cake and ice cream, we all decided that we needed to burn off a few of the calories by doing P90X- Abs.....Justin's family had never heard of it or have seen it before. They thought it was quite the workout!

Here is Ethan wearing Jordan's goggles. They are quite fitting with his Einstein submarine!

Ethan was so happy to have the Smith family over and just played with his aunts and uncles the whole time!
To end this post I would love to tell Ethan (and everyone else) a few reasons why I love him so much:
- I love how you talk ALL the time but I can only understand maybe 40% of what you say...
- I love how you have at least 2 long stories to tell me everday and how you crack yourself up when telling them ..
- I love how you love to jump off of anything and everything that is at least twice your height but yet I am amazed at how you land so gracefully everytime..
- I love racing you from wall to wall in our house and how you say "Red, Set, GO!" everytime, even though you always leave before you say go..
- I love singing songs with you and how you always request another song before going to sleep by saying "More, Sing!"
-- I dont so much love that you can be a hitter and a pusher, but we are working on that, right buddy?!
- I love reading books with you and seeing you learn so many new things
- I love seeing you jump up and down and run around in circles anytime you get excited
- I love hearing you say "Mommy! Mommy!" and then an undecernable (sp?) sentence after..
- I love hearing you repeat prayers, even if it is the last word of the sentence.
- I love how after prayer you always know that "1,2,3 Squeeze" is coming and you get so excited!
- I love how excited you are about life and how much you have taught us over the last 2 years. We love you Ethan and are so grateful that you are part of our little family. Thank you for bringing so much joy and happiness to our home!

Ethan's 2 year stats:
Height: 35.5 inches- 50-75%
Weight- 26 lbs- 25%
Head- 49cm- 50-75%

I also wanted to add a picture time line of Ethan- Sorry, I know that this post is kinda random..

Ethan Justin Smith- a few hours old

A week old

4 months old

6 months old

1 Year old

1.5 years old

2 years old!

Date Night!

Just to update from my previous post, Justin took me to go see the theatrical (broadway version) performance of Beauty & the Beast and I absolutely loved it!


We saw it at the Hale Center Theater here in Gilbert AZ and it really was an incredible performance. It is a smaller theater but you can see the actors faces, expressions, and everything, and that I love. Going to see broadways, plays, dance performances, etc. has got to be one of my favorite things to go out and do (expensive taste, I know). I'm not sure why but I have cried with every musical/broadway I have seen. I cried in this one, Phantom of the Opera, Les Miserables- I basically bawled through the whole thing, and I also have cried while watching the BYU Cougarettes, the BYU Young Ambassadors, American Idol, etc. This can actually be quite embarrasing when sitting next to strangers who are probably wondering what's wrong with me. I think I am always just in awe at the talent that these people have. I love to watch people sing and dance and I always just think of what a beautiful talent they have been given. I can always feel the spirit when I see or hear these beautiful performances and I think Heavenly Father can really speak to others through those performers. I really wish that I had that sort of talent and I hope that one of my little girls do someday, so I can continue to cry :) Anyways, it was so nice to go for a night out on the town with my sweet husband. I hope we can do it again sometime soon! Thanks Justin for a wonderful night!