I won't go into all the details (because there are many)of what sent me into breakdown mode, but after Ethan had been screaming for an hour and woke up Ellie while he was at it, I lost it and I shut his door and called Justin just bawling. * Side note: Justin has been out of town for work the past two weeks and won't really be home until this Saturday. 3 weeks of him traveling makes it kinda hard on me sometimes, even though I like to pretend that I'm superwoman. * Anyway, I told Justin that I just don't know what to do anymore, I've exhausted all of my parenting strategies and nothing is working, I had never felt anger like I did to Ethan in that instant and that scared me, and I just felt like a horrible mother. He assured me that I'm not a bad mom and gave me some advice on how to get Ethan to calm down, which was take him to the downstairs bathroom and let him scream it out in there until he was ready to go to bed. Amazingly it worked and after 15 min he stopped screaming/crying and when I went in he said, "Mommy, I'm ready to go to bed. And I won't scream and cry anymore" without me even saying anything. I was so grateful that it worked.
So anyway, I've had my head stuck in my Parenting with Love and Logic book reviewing some principles taught in there that I could apply to his age now but if anyone has any advice on some great parenting books that deal with this type of stuff, I love to read things like that! Just FYI for if you have advice: I'm not a pushover mom and I stick to my guns but that does not seem to work anymore with him. I'm not a huge fan of spankings. He isn't argumentative all the time. Taking away objects or privileges doesn't work with him yet either. He just doesn't care. We have always done time-outs but now that only sometimes works with him. Mostly, he still doesn't care.
So, go ahead. Congratulate me on having my first official parental breakdown. I think all of us moms are bound to and allowed to have them at one time or another, right? Hopefully I won't have another one anytime soon and I can learn how to get this situation under control!
9 comments:
Oh my goodness, I'm glad Lily isn't the only one! She is the queen of fit throwing, and I am not even joking. The littlest thing can throw her into an object-throwing, screaming, unable-to-listen rampage. At first I was having breakdowns all over the place, but now it really is best for me to do exactly what you did. I put Lily upstairs and then wait it out until she is ready to talk rationally. My Mom says three is the hardest age. I believe her :)
Congratulations that it's your first and Ethan is 3 1/2!!!! That's great! It is so hard to have those struggles with your children. I had told my branch president during an interview that I yell at my kids (when I reach my breaking point it's very hard for me to not yell...I know I'm a bad mom). He said, "your children have a great mother" and I was taken back because I was telling him what a terrible mother I am. He then said, "I didn't say your children have a perfect mother. They have a great mother". You are a great mother. You (and Ethan) are not perfect and the struggles will happen. I think you're doing everything you can. Keep going!
Oh my goodness, Ash... I don't have children, but I had my own parental breakdown after church on Sunday because it was me and 9 4-year-olds that were AWFUL! Oh my. I cried the whole way home and told Ryan that I never wanted to have kids and that I had lost all confidence in my parenting abilities.
Anyway, you are such a good mom, Ash. It's okay to have a breakdown here and there.
I totally understand about break downs, and I am amazed that you haven't had them before. That really says alot about you as a mom and makes me want to be better. I have one bit of advice that might be kinda silly but I think it's important. Sometimes when I have a break down and I'm crying in front of parker. I kneel right down on the floor and say "Mommy is having a hard time right now and needs to say a prayer. I know that if I say a prayer Heavenly Father will help me." Sometimes I even ask if he wants to pray with me and usually he is curious and will kneel down too to listen. Then I pour my heart out to the lord and let him watch. Then I tell him that I know he will help me. When I do that in front of him I think he sees that I really am sad and then I have an opportunity to show him how the lord answers prayers. Also it kind of just reassures me that the Lord will help me.
You are a great mom! It makes me feel better that other mom's have break downs too. Thanks for your post.
I've had 3 break downs in the last week, but I have a 10 year old girl. I think having break downs is healthy, it's teaching you how to be prepared for growing children ;)
Sorry, I have no advice for you, but, in my eyes, you are superwoman. To go for almost 4 years without having a mothering breakdown is absolutely amazing. I do feel for you though. It's a horrible feeling to be so angry and frustrated with your child and not know what to do. However, if you went this long without breaking down I would say you are a natural mother and you will continue to find ways to cope. Trust me, patient mothering is something that doesn't come naturally to all women. I love my kids and am so grateful for them, but I have been having breakdowns like that on a regular basis since Adie was probably 1 week old. There are many moments when I wish I could be anywhere but with my kids :( I always feel bad feeling that way after a little while. It sounds like you find a lot of joy in motherhood. I admire that and am working to achieve that same attitude. Best of luck to you as you navigate the difficult waters of parenthood. Your kids are lucky to have you.
Ha ha. You are doing so much better than me! I had my first breakdown when Kaylee was just 1 month old! I remember just crying holding a baby that would just scream and my 19 month old wanting something from me too. I couldn't do it all. So all three of us would just sit on my bed and cry. This happened for a few months about every other week! I would swear that we would sit there crying till dustin got home. . . but we usually got over it before then. :)
I tried spanking Mia the other day. She laughed cause it didn't hurt. Little snot. I don't think I could have spanked her much harder and still be "in control" turd. :) I marvel at what my kids try and get away with. Wonder if Heavenly Father feels the same about His kids sometimes! ::)
I really have no advice...you're totally a step ahead of me in this whole parenting thing. BUT, that being said, I just wanted to mention that you are my hero for not having a breakdown until now. I've had at least a million! You are a great mom and those munchkins are lucky to have you. Love you girl!
Ah kids, and motherhood. I think you are a rock star that this is your first time feeling this way Ashleigh. You must be an awesome mom and incredibly patient.
I think the crying it out in the bathroom was great advice. Sometimes I think it is just best for Rees & I to separate ourselves, so I don't lose my cool and he can get out all the complicated feelings he has going on.
Also, prayer. Does that sound lame? But it really helps me. I have even prayed in those frustrating moments, in front of Rees & it helps me, and it seems to be making an impression on Rees because sometimes he asks to say a prayer so he can feel happy.
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